Tuesday, May 12, 2015

24 League Under The -err--- Pool?

Sigh! Could have been me :(
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If anyone dares to laugh at me, you will be sued. And with that banderole firmly placed in my heart, I decided to learn how to swim.

Not a big deal I know but then, you all don't know me. I have a vivid imagination. *Snicker. Well, my imagination stems from Jaws I.II. and III. Ah yes- also Moby Dick. Capish?

It does not matter how deep the water is. The gurgling, bubbling sounds triggers all sorts of motion pictures in my mind. Believe me, none of them, is good for my heart.

And to that my swimming instructor was a Dutch lady. My tryst with a language is yet another tale to tell. But for now, let me tell you, I can speak fluently in Dutch, especially with those who have no understanding of the language.Capish?

So with my very limited knowledge of the language and absolutely no knowledge regarding the mysteries lurking under the water, I plunged in.

Wrong move. 

I felt the frenzy world under the water closing upon me. Claiming me. Restricting me.


I thrashed. I grabbed a piece of a golden rope floating in front of me and felt the heavy weight of doom taking me down.

A very thrashing, threatening and vocal doom.

My swimming instructor's tresses the clutched in my hands and she was a no happy Rapunzel.

Strong arms grabbed me from behind and even in my worst nightmare, I knew I was the damsel in distress who was just about to meet another Prince Charming. Sigh! What more could the lady who was just on the verge of  buying  her first 'Menopause for Dummies' really want?


"Mevrouw! Je bent stom?" The angry, gruff voices sounded above me.


Strong, masculine palms had started pumping heavily on my chest. This makes me wonder – has anyone ever asked the victim receiving CPR how they actually feel? Sorry PJ. But since I am dying, I am allowed one  PJ. 

"Mevrouw? Can you hear me?"

A tune started gathering momentum in my head. Let me share that with you. 

I fluttered my eyelids. Kajol would have been green with envy if she had seen me there. Anyways, to carry the story further, I gripped his hands. Warm. Strong. Fluttered my eyelids again and shyly opened my eyes to meet a set of thick lashed, grey with tinges of silver, very beautiful feminine eyes. 

The song changed. 

Another dream came crashing down. Clutching the remnants of my dignity, I got up and then decided to - err.. faint. Don't judge me. I  literally had no choice. My instructor was glaring at me from across the pool, her one palm massaging the scalp. Every kid, who had come to learn swimming in that pool along with their parents were openly giggling. Now you tell me what would be better? Walking past them or using the health insurance and calling the ambulance. 

Keeping my eyes tightly shut I let the paramedics escort me out of the swimming area. *smirking. 

3 Years Later...

"Hi, My name is Ina. Do you have a slot for adult swim lesson?" 


Disclaimer : All your best wishes under this post will act as my float. And also keep my instructor in your prayers. Fingers crossed. She will have strong. long hair.



At May 12, 2015 at 11:54 PM , Anonymous Sundari Venkatraman said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That cheered me up. Humourous to the core. I am sure you can do it, Rapunzel or otherwise ;)
I learned swimming along with my kids when I was 38 and... (forget it, I won't announce my weight here)
It was fun till I had the life belt around me. But without it, I felt lost. But me not being the screaming type while being the determined (read bulldog) type, completed the sessions diligently. They even pushed me into the deep end once and I came out with flying colours. I have a certificate that says that I can swim. But dare I? NOPE. When in a swimming pool, I hold on to the railing all the while. :(

At May 13, 2015 at 12:29 AM , Anonymous Devika Fernando said...

*lol* Too funny! Thanks for sharing! I'm a very bad swimmer myself...

At May 13, 2015 at 1:22 AM , Anonymous deepti menon said...

Hehehe, very funny, Ina Tales! :) I enjoyed the whole scene, and could imagine your poor instructor massaging her tortured scalp. Like Sundari, I too learnt to swim pretty late, but still can't dive or put my head under water. And if i attempt to float, I prove the law of buoyancy all wrong. For I end up going down, and come up all spluttering and red eyed! :)

At May 13, 2015 at 1:31 AM , Anonymous Neelesh Inamdar said...

Ha ha ha ha ha. ROFL.

At May 13, 2015 at 2:12 AM , Anonymous Francene Stanley said...

You poor thing. It must be so hard to learn to swim as an adult. I grew up in Australia and must have known how to swim already. I'm so buoyant I literally can't sink. Chin up--that's what I used to tell my youngest sister when I taught her to float.

At May 13, 2015 at 3:02 AM , Anonymous Dola said...

ROFL. Now that I know what's it like, I'm NOT going to take those swimming lessons!

At May 13, 2015 at 7:40 AM , Anonymous Ruchira Khanna said...

Loved IT
So filmy 😊👍

At May 13, 2015 at 10:06 AM , Anonymous Inderpreet Kaur said...

Must try swimming it is the best stress buster. Lived the funny effort but all the best. Ina

At May 13, 2015 at 5:21 PM , Anonymous Ajay Pai said...

buwhahahaha! funny bone! Filmy! nautanki !! Loved it.

At May 13, 2015 at 6:06 PM , Anonymous Anamika Agnihotri said...

The only words I can mention here for you Captain Nemo are hahahhahahahhahah!!

At May 14, 2015 at 1:16 AM , Anonymous bellybytes said...

That was funny indeed but I can understand your fear of swimming............Even though I can swim I always imagine every jump into the pool will be the last time ever.

At May 15, 2015 at 12:13 AM , Anonymous taleoftwotomatoes said...

Hahahahaaaa.... I had a wide grin throughout your write and yes, I share the same fear! :P :P Loved it!

At May 27, 2015 at 1:17 AM , Anonymous Ina Tales said...

Thank you Sundari. You hold the railing on the wall . not bad.. I cling to it :P

At May 27, 2015 at 1:20 AM , Anonymous Ina Tales said...

LOL Devika, Being bad is fine. Being terrified is something else.. :P Thanks for dropping by.

At May 27, 2015 at 1:21 AM , Anonymous Ina Tales said...

Hhahah .. maybe we should plan a swimming trip together Deepti :P

At May 27, 2015 at 1:22 AM , Anonymous Ina Tales said...

Thanks Neelesh :D

At May 27, 2015 at 1:23 AM , Anonymous Ina Tales said...

I am trying Francene.. but my shivering chin is way beyond my control :(

At May 27, 2015 at 1:23 AM , Anonymous Ina Tales said...

No, Should try. An experience to tell your grandkids while THEY scuba dive :P


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